


사랑한단 뜻이야

by drilbur



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Churches & Cathedrals, Fluff, Idols, M/M, Relationship Study, Religious Imagery & Symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:01:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27189020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drilbur/pseuds/drilbur
Summary: mark takes yuta to a church for his birthday.
Relationships: Mark Lee/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 11
Kudos: 62





	사랑한단 뜻이야

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: most, if not all events mentioned in this work are fictional and is not meant to be taken in a serious manner.

the day wasn’t anything special at all. however, yuta was a scorpio and he had unrealistically high expectations for his friends to keep surprising him throughout the day. but that was the yuta from so long ago, full of fresh hope and dreams, bag clutched in one hand and his heart in another, starry eyed and lost in the world full of ambition. eight years seem like nothing to him now, but he remembers the first ever birthday he spent as a trainee — in the quiet dorm rooms atop his bunk bed, silently clutching his basic touchscreen phone that his father had bought him as a going away present, mulling over his memories of his family and the life he had chosen to take now — all seemingly so fleeting and carefree. he had wondered if he had taken his time in japan much for granted. sure, the group and him go on multiple visits to japan these days, but nothing really feels the same anymore. he calls momoka and haruna every now and then, but their voices sing him praise and pain at the same time, and he always leaves the phone tightly pressed to his palms, itching to just lay his head on his mom’s lap again and watch his sisters bicker about what color shirt to buy their dad for his birthday.

he’s twenty five this year and he’s grown immune to the pomp and celebration of birthdays, much to his own dismay. his birthday falls right in between promotions for the group’s newest album, just like when regular was released two years ago and he smiles faintly at the memory of carrying the love of his fans, fully solid and cemented in the form a trophy, with a crown on his head like the celebrated king that he was. it had felt surreal. to recreate that joy would be damn near impossible to him, but the members always try and that’s all that matters to him. he wakes up late as a present for himself, gives himself a good ten hour sleep instead of waking up at 8 and going for a run at the han river park. he walks over to the main hall and expects jungwoo to be sitting with his cereal bowl in one hand and phone held in the other, eyes glued to them. but instead, he finds taeil in his grey sweatpants that he loves so much, hair combed away from his face and quietly switching channels on the television.

“yuta!” taeil breaks into an impossibly happy smile once he spots him in the corner of his eye and yuta smiles back weakly, rubbing his eyes and pushing the hair out of his face.

“good morning hyung—sorry i didn’t wake up earlier, i know you wanted to go to the park together.” he says, but taeil gets up from his place defensively. “yuta, it’s your birthday,” he says weakly and yuta nods in agreement. taeil walks over to him quietly, the morning news still quietly plays in the background, and yuta stills in his place. “and today is about you. you should do whatever you want! hell, we should all do what you wanna do today!” taeil beams.

yuta grins a little. “okay, can i go brush my teeth first? i’m sure i stink.” taeil laughs and slaps his arm and gives his head a little pat.

“but wait. i just wanted to,” and then yuta experiences taeil hugging him fully, arms around his neck and face buried into the bend of his shoulder. yuta feels warmth like never before. taeil, to yuta is someone he can trust with his entire life. taeil is someone that yuta considers his own elder brother, born and raised in the same household and to him, there is no other person he would go to for support and just unconditional love. it feels weird because yuta’s known taeil for oh so long, but the minute taeil hugs him, he feels his memories from osaka come rushing in like a floodgate being opened in the nick of time. he thinks about last year when he visited his family and his dad hugged him before he stepped out of the house, muttering a soft “i hope you’re always happy,” into the tufts of his then brown hair. and then taeil tells him, “happy birthday, i hope you get to be happy always. you deserve it more than anyone.” and pulls away with a euphoric smile coating his lips in the sweetest of moments.

“i — thank you, hyung,” yuta has always been good at hiding his inner emotions and how he feels about the people close to him, good or bad. and there have been times when yuta has been drunk, singing praises for his members and vomiting his love for them all over the place with johnny clapping at his brave confessions. but for now, he just smiles at taeil like he always does, hoping he’ll understand as usual between them. “so, no gift?” yuta smirks mischievously, and taeil chuckles.

“remind me a month later, please? i swear i’ll get you something before we go to japan for promotions again.” yuta pretends to be mad for a bit, but taeil eventually lets him go to the bathroom after some debate. he stares at himself at the fogged up mirror, jungwoo having taken a steaming shower already, toothbrush in mouth, and ginger hair curled up at the ends. he checks his little stubble and the single gray hair daring to grow out despite having his hair dyed only a week ago and sighs at himself. when he goes back to the hall, he sees jungwoo folding his duvet in his shared room with jaehyun and when he catches sight of yuta, he smiles widely, cheeks protruding out.

“congratulations, hyung.” yuta seems startled but he appreciates the sentiment. “for what exactly?” he challenges him. jungwoo leaves the duvet in its place and fixes his hair in the mirror when he says, “yeah no, taeil hyung just asked me if i congratulated you yet and i had no idea what he was talking about. but some congrats are in order and i always deliver.” jungwoo smiles with mischief in his eyes and dishes out his hand for a handshake. yuta furrows his eyebrows.

“wait for real or are you playing with me?” yuta folds his arms and steadies himself defensively. “for real! did you win asia’s best face or something like that? your fans are crazy, hyung!” jungwoo pinches yuta’s cheek when he doesn’t reply and yuta slaps it away playfully. “you’re lying to me, kim jungwoo! you and jaehyun are scheming something and i will get to the bottom of this.” yuta issues an empty threat and jungwoo giggles to himself.

“fine! fine! i was kidding, of course i know it’s your birthday today, hyung. you’re like  _ super _ special to me and i could  _ never _ forget your birthday, but yeah thank you for trusting me enough to know that i’m lying, i guess?” yuta chuckles and shakes the hand that jungwoo still has held out. “fair enough. but yeah, you’re a grandpa now and you can join the grandpa line in our group.”

“hey! johnny and taeyong turned 25 before me and you’re telling me they got concessions?”

“now who said johnny hyung wasn’t part of the grandpa club?” yuta fake gasps.

“and taeyong?” yuta raises an eyebrow with that and jungwoo nervously laughs.

“taeyong hyung has an ultimate concession pass. it’s not everyday you get to see someone so pretty,” yuta watches jungwoo revel in amazement, he slowly pats his cheek and ruffles his hair. “but for real hyung, happy birthday! and i’ll get you something by the end of the night, okay?” yuta nods and pulls him into a brief hug. jungwoo smells the back of yuta’s head while in the hug and he giggles.

thankfully, there was no schedule for the day, despite it being a monday and in between promotions. he was practically free to spend the day however he wished, which probably included going to the new cafe that opened up a few days ago at the back of their dorm. he faintly remembers mark mentioning the place to him last week, hand firmly wrapped around his bicep and head planted on his shoulder, voice smooth and golden. “hyung, we—we should  _ really _ get the matcha latte there, hyung! hyung—” he had trailed off into the corner of yuta’s ear, fully buzzed with liquid courage to be sitting with yuta like that. mark was a peculiar character in his life, he won’t deny that at all. somewhere along the way, yuta made it his mission in life to love and protect mark no matter what along with his usual goals that has driven him so far — and frankly, yuta has no idea how that came to be.

yuta thinks of the mark that he had cried with during limitless promotions, head leaned over his scrawny shoulders, legs stretched in the empty practice rooms, a dull light emanating from outside the windows. mark had asked him why he thought his life in korea was important to him and yuta had broken out a dam at that, and even felt ashamed later for crying in front of his younger member, just a boy of age 17 and him? a whole 21 year old, letting himself feel insecure in front of someone who looks up to him. mark had sat with him throughout the night, hands resting on his, and making sure he was breathing on beat and at that moment, yuta knew mark was precious and yuta knew this was somehow everything.

yuta aimlessly wanders towards mark’s room, knocking twice before mark answers with a quiet hum on the other side. yuta takes it as his cue to go in only to see mark fully dressed in a full sleeved white shirt, black trousers, belt in hand as he fixes his zipper. mark looks bewildered as he catches sight of yuta who is just standing by the doorframe, confused as to what occasion he’s so dressed up for. “hyung!” mark rushes to close the door with a scandalized face despite yuta laughing about his situation. he closes the door hurriedly and says through the white door, “i told you my room wasn’t in good condition yet!” mark giggles from the other side and yuta can feel the fizz in his voice, like cherry cola on a hot summer day. his voice settles within him like a quiet hum under his skin. 

“mark lee, tell me what you’re dressing up for and i’ll leave you alone.” mark whines and yuta just presses again. “just—ah, hyung! just give me a second, i feel so embarrassed, god.” yuta just laughs to himself and walks a bit away from his room towards the sofa. he patiently waits for mark to walk out in his full glory, taeil and jungwoo in tow near the kitchen area, but it takes another ten minutes. when the door hinges finally make a noise signalling mark’s arrival, yuta gasps and taeil just raises his eyebrows while jungwoo just makes an indignant noise from the back of his throat. mark’s ears are flushed a full red, so much that they’ve travelled towards his cheeks, coating them a faint pink and yuta can’t help but pinch his cheeks in response. 

“where is our handsome baby going today?” jungwoo asks, eyes scanning mark from bottom to top.

“actually uh—” mark turns towards yuta, hands clutched within each other, eyes glittering with a plead. “hyung, can i talk to you in person?” yuta raises an eyebrow. jungwoo sips loudly from his cup, yuta shoots a pointed look at him. mark waits for his response earnestly and yuta smiles in return.

“are you  _ that _ embarrassed to wish me on my birthday in front of everyone else, markie?”

“hyung! c’mon now. i just wanna tell you something other than that.” and so yuta follows him back to his room where it’s just clean enough so he can sit on his bed and watch mark fumble with the ends of his sleeves. 

“first of all hyung, happy birthday,” mark breathes out and yuta grins with all his might back at him. he grabs hold of his hand because he can feel mark’s heart racing from where he’s sitting and mark is always the type to be straight-forward, to show all that he has in heart on his face and for his brain to be going haywire, yuta senses something sinister going on.

“markie, are you planning to run away and get married? because just know that hyung supports you, okay? jungwoo and i will cover for your ass, don’t worry, i got you.” yuta winks at him and mark is at a loss for words before he starts boisterously laughing, the sound bouncing off the walls. 

“hyung, don’t distract me! i just wanted to say that i wanted to spend your birthday with you somewhere out, will you come with me?” mark has the audacity to even pout at yuta as if yuta wouldn’t give mark his whole life if he asked him this nicely. yuta stares at him with his mouth wide open, trying to gauge the extent of his surprise and then mark continues, “we’ll have so much fun, i swear! but if you want to spend today off at home, then that’s cool too, you know? i’ll just take haechannie out and we’ll celebrate on your behalf.” yuta knows mark is joking but he can’t help the twinge of jealousy poke holes through his skin—just the thought of mark spending his day with someone else makes him feel like his blood might boil over from the confines of his mouth. 

“if you’re taking me to some restaurant, i’m not coming, that’s too boring for me.” mark squints. “i mean that was  _ part _ of the plan, but the main destination is actually somewhere else.” and now it’s yuta’s time to be surprised. and honestly? he’s excited. last year during his birthday, he had spent it at the dorm, just lounging around an reading a book, spent the night drinking with doyoung and taeil and called it a day and to think mark had something planned for him, makes his fingers stutter as he holds mark’s hand tighter in his grasp. 

“you know i’d love to go anywhere with you, markie. thank you,” mark looks at him fondly.

“is that why you’re dressed up?” he nods. 

“we’re leaving now?” 

“yes! now can you go and take a shower and get ready quickly? we have to go, we don’t have much time!” mark pulls yuta up by the hand and pushes him manually out of the room towards the bath. “just get inside, i’ll pick out some clothes and leave it outside, hyung.” mark laughs. 

in the shower, yuta knows that something feels awfully domestic with mark and himself now, and this wasn’t even the point where it began. he begins washing his hair when mark quietly steps in and leaves some folded clothes near the sink and leaves the same way he came in. nobody in their dorm is flustered anymore, they’ve seen each other naked plenty of times, they have the most inappropriate conversations in the main living room, and they even share stories of what they did in the bathroom. yuta wonders how long it would take for an unsuspecting stranger to move out as soon as they move into their dorm, and mentally, he gives it five days. but regardless, these boys feel like a home away from home and yuta would give up anything in the world for them. 

when he steps out of the steam, he sees that mark had picked out a white patterned shirt which had roses on them and some simple black jeans to go with it. the shirt is new. the tag was still on, price now scratched out with a blue ballpoint pen. along with it, sits a thick cardboard paper that says,  _ “happy birthday to my oppa, my favorite hyung, and my best friend. have a great day with me!”  _ and some part of yuta just curls up and dies at that like an elastic band after release. the shirt is pretty and matched exactly to yuta’s sense of style.

when he steps out, mark is waiting near the bathroom excitedly and exclaims when he sees yuta dressed up in the clothes he bought for him. “hyung! hyung, do you like it?”

yuta doesn’t say anything, he just hugs him in reply and mark gets the air knocked out of him with a soft ‘oomph’ escaping his lips. “okay, i’m glad you liked it, hyung,” yuta can smell the fresh perfume he has on his nape, and he lets his nose linger there for a ghost of a second before he pulls back and stares at mark with admiration. 

“okay! let’s go c’mon.” mark hurriedly leads the way into the main hall but yuta stops by his room and dries his hair a little bit, collects his phone and wallet and shoves them quickly into his pocket. it’s all so rushed, mark’s dragging him towards the door by his hand and then jungwoo coughs.

“you guys are forgetting your masks,” he points towards the stack of washed face masks near the door, “and to tell us what’s been happening between you two for the past hour.” jungwoo props his chin in his palm and waits for mark to stumble over his words.

“i’m taking yuta hyung out for his birthday!” yuta beams at mark.

“you didn’t even plan this with me! i cannot believe i’m not invited on this date, i feel attacked. thank you.” 

“it’s not a date, jungwoo, c’mon now.” mark shushes and yuta just winks at jungwoo. “are you taking manager-nim with you?” jungwoo asks. “... no,” comes the answer. “that’s what i thought. okay then, have fun, i’ll tell taeil hyung after he comes out of the bathroom. send me pics later,” and with that mark and yuta are finally out of their apartment. 

as soon as they’re out in the hallway, yuta clings on to mark’s shoulder eagerly and asks, “where is my markie taking me? god, i’m excited!” mark doesn’t answer it, instead he just pats yuta’s modestly wet hair and propels them towards the elevator. mark doesn’t open his mouth until they get to the car, silently texting their manager about their little outing. 

yuta’s always considered mark to be like his family, someone who he can rely on with no doubts whatsoever, almost like a little brother that he never had. growing up with momoka and haruna was enriching and fulfilling, and that’s no question to yuta but he had always wondered what it would’ve been like to have a brother who he could have pampered and spoiled and yuta only envisions that in mark’s existence. the amount of feminine presence around him and his childhood has shaped him like he is today, and he’s taken on a motherly instinct to always love and protect fiercely, come hell or high water and with mark, he feels like a lion left to protect a sheep. and he’s always looking, he’s always thinking, and he’s always making sure he’s safe.

mark hands a small slip to the taxi driver, which yuta assumes is the address to the place he’s been taken to and his eyes widen in curiosity.

“okay, give me a spoiler.” he tries.

“hyung! we’ll be there in like twenty minutes, it’ll be surprising but i think it’ll be good, so don’t worry.” yuta sulks but he can see mark’s eyes form crescents in the rear view mirror and that makes him lightheaded.

fifteen minutes later, the taxi drives into an unfamiliar neighbourhood. the buildings are old, a bit rustic, yellow tinged near the roofs. he can practically see the age on the walls, aged paint coming off the property gates as they pass them by in a whirr. the neighbourhood looked like an area from retro films reimagined, and in between stand random restaurants that serve greek cuisine and old beer. and then he sees it, a white, gothic style building on the left side of the car. mark turns to look back at yuta and flashes a knowing smile and it’s almost like he’s mocking yuta’s confusion. 

“you—you brought me to a church?” yuta struggles to open the door and get out near the curb but mark holds it open for him. “not just any church, hyung. it’s my church, i come here twice a month.” he explains but yuta’s heart races in the nick of time. he stares at the side of mark’s face as he opens his wallet to pay for the ride, the white shirt glaring onto his mask in the harsh monday morning light. 

“hyung, c’mon, i wanted to show you this for so long,” mark grabs hold of his hand and crosses the road when the signal turns green. 

they stand in front of the church and yuta cannot help but take in the sight in awe as soon as they step into the gates, leading into the vicinity. mark looks at yuta from the corner of his eye and yuta’s eyes sparkle in fascination as the scent of the freshly cut grass invades his nose as they walk away from the garden and towards the main building, complete with the stained glass and everything. 

“mark, you brought me to your church.” yuta reiterates, like he’s saying it to himself so that it feels more real. yuta knows. yuta knows how much mark’s religion means to him, he’s peeped in on times when mark leaves his door just a bit ajar and he’s got his hands closely clasped together, head pressed to the tips of his fingers as his mouth utters silent words of prayer. the sight of mark kneeled down on the hardwood floor, his crucifix pendant pressed close to his mouth like he wanted to ask the universe for strength and power to sail through the rough seas of another day of his life, the image hadn’t left yuta’s brain for days. there was something so comforting that made yuta’s soul take comfort in the fact that mark wished and prayed for everyone’s safety just as he does for mark in the deep crevices of his cracked heart, and so he doesn’t stop himself from subtly smiling to himself whenever he catches mark uttering grace before they eat. it was endearing in a way that yuta couldn’t really comprehend. and now, to know that mark trusts yuta enough to show him this deeply secretive side of his life, his bare-bone personality makes yuta’s heart stew in a mess of twisted feelings, an amalgamation of emotions hitting him all at once. on his birthday. mark wanted to show him this side of his life on his birthday and that was the only sentence playing on repeat right now as mark guides them both towards the entrance.

“too bad your birthday wasn’t yesterday, hyung. we could’ve gone to mass and you could’ve had the full experience. but this is good too. i can show you things without interruptions, and it’ll be like personal too!” yuta reflects mark’s excitement. honestly, he has no idea what to expect. he’s visited buddhist temples with his family when he was younger in osaka, but god, he’s never been inside a church and it somehow feels nerve wracking as he steps inside, mark’s hand in tow. he already feels like a sinner for looking at mark as if he was his everything, and god was right in front of him, crystallized and alive in spirit. but where does he look? mark leads them towards an empty bench, the wood worn out in stature but sturdy. mark sighs as they sit down, a bit too loud in the almost deafening silence that they’re situated in. 

“how long have you been coming here, mark-ya?” yuta utters, eyes fixed on the huge statue of jesus before them. the statue seems to be alive, watching yuta’s every shudder in the smallest folds of his skin when mark ushers him closer towards him. “ever since the last year of high school, hyung. i always went to church with my parents back in vancouver and just, after fully moving here, i felt like there was something missing in my life. and so, yeah. manager-nim recommended this church to me, and i’ve been coming here since. it’s honestly so nice to be here every month.” yuta nods in understanding. 

“hyung, can i ask you something?” 

“yeah, go on.”

“are you guys sometimes bothered about how i’m always like—” he pauses and motions with hands. “like, religious? i don’t know,”

yuta is quick to nod a no, he closes his eyes and breathes out. he puts his arm around mark’s shoulder and looks at the small freckles lining the corners of his eyes. “markie, you don’t know how happy i am that you brought me here. it feels like you’re opening up a new part of yourself to me and i couldn’t ask for anything better for my birthday. and honestly? i think it’s super adorable that you’re so invested in your religion, and god, i will support you through anything.” mark has his head leaned on the bench, fingers slowly plucking away at the dog-eared corners of the hymnal under the desk. yuta knows mark enough to know that when he doesn’t reply that he’s satisfied and smiling away at his answer.

“have you brought the other guys here?”

mark just shakes his head. 

“for real? man, this is my best ever birthday present.” yuta laughs quietly under his breath.

“i was just nervous all this while but i’m glad it’s you, hyung. i know you’re always asking me to be a bit more open with you and everyone else. and i thought this was the best way? i don’t know, ah,” yuta pats the soft strands of brown on mark’s head in reassurance. “i’m very happy, markie. really.”

the setting itself puts yuta in a tranquil state, soft organ sounds playing from the overhead speakers near the mezzanine, white marble walls adorning every inch of the building. after a few minutes, mark guides him towards the altar where the statue stands hovering over them both, flower wreaths losing life at his feet in offering.

“give me a second,” mark goes off to collect candles for them to both light around the figure and yuta’s left to wonder in awe at the imposing height of the structure, the intricately designed ceilings, the stained glass paintings, and above all, the one scripture verse that hangs as a small poster in mark’s room, exodus 9:16, as yuta recalls. when mark comes back, two colorless candles hanging off of his fingers and an earnest smile hanging off of his lips. 

“let’s light it and pray for a bit, hyung.” and so they do. yuta kneels down on the cushions on the altar just as he watches mark do so, and doesn’t shut his eyes until he sees mark grip his palms together and begins uttering a small prayer under the whispers of his breath. he’s taken aback at this image, a moment frozen in his memories. yuta bends his head down and finally gives into staring into darkness, the afterimage haunting the back of his eyelids. yuta could wish for a million things at that moment, he pictures momoka’s child in her arms laughing at the sight of him, he imagines the slight dimple that shows up when his mother smiles and longs to see it just one more time, he can smell the remnants of the weathered air in kadoma, and he clutches his heart just a bit tighter. he can hear the sound of taeyong’s laughter in the corner of his mind, can picture the way johnny would chide him for leaving his shoes outside the counter, and so his brain plays a montage of every important person in his life like he was dying, like he was surrendering to the unknown ordeal. 

all he wishes at that moment is this.  _ “keep everyone safe. keep them in the heart of your hearts and never leave them out of your sight.” _ and he kisses his fingers as if he seals the deal with god himself. when he opens his eyes, mark still has his eyes closed but his mouth has stopped uttering devotion—it looked like he was just basking in the act of worship and in the presence of the almighty himself. he waits for mark to open his eyes and when he does, yuta has a soft smile waiting for him in response.

“how did you feel?”

“amazing, actually.”

mark recognizes the priest that walks in from among the pews and hurriedly greets him and yuta follows suit. he then introduces yuta to him, and hears a slew of praises for mark from him, as if he hasn’t already heard from the millions of people that love him. but again, it feels like heaven to add one more to the list. mark looks down towards his shoes abashedly and yuta pats his back in an effort to calm his nerves.

“what’s the occasion today then, mark? you never drop by on mondays?”

“it’s actually yuta hyung’s birthday today, father! it would be so nice if you could bestow some blessings upon him, we just finished praying.” 

“oh! that is so wonderful for you to bring him here today. happy birthday my child, i pray and wish that god and his son will be with you in every step of your way.” he closes his eyes and traces a little cross on yuta’s forehead while uttering the words. the father offers some small talk to the both of them, and then they’re both walking towards the exit. 

“what did you pray for, hyung?” mark asks him, now with a spring in his step, walking backwards so that he can talk to yuta as he walks. yuta just brushes him off with a laugh and mark prods him again, whining till yuta gives in.

“fine! i wished that mark would always be the best boy in the whole world.” yuta smirks.

“lies. tell me now.”

“i mean that was part of the wish, please. but if i tell you all of it, it won’t happen.” yuta fake pouts and mark snakes his arm around yuta’s shoulder. 

“hyung, you’re so cute.”

“i’ve heard it all, mark lee.”

he hears mark’s laugh echo in the trenches of his heart’s chambers and he keeps it locked up safely like his best kept secret.

— 

later during the evening, doyoung breaks into yuta’s room with an ornately decorated chocolate cake, topped off with strawberry slices and five candles lining the corners. yuta looks shocked as taeyong walks out from behind him and so does johnny, donghyuck, as well as the rest of 127 singing him a very exaggerated version of the birthday song. he does, he really tries his best to contain the laughter emanating from the bottom of his stomach at the sight of it all. 

sometimes yuta thinks he doesn’t have to go home to be at home. sometimes he thinks home is the short distance between his and taeil’s beds and the way his whispers barely reach yuta’s ear as they sleep, and sometimes he thinks it’s the way taeyong will lean into his shoulder whenever he finds something funny on the internet. and sometimes, he thinks it’s the way all of them care about him in the most simplest ways. that sometimes is now, and in a year where he misses japan more than ever, there’s nothing he could’ve asked for better than this. he shuts his eyes earnestly for the second time in a day, hands clasped tightly just like before but he doesn’t pray to the same god anymore. he prays to the universe for creating this exact situation where can he be grateful for finding not one but multiple instances of a home where he can be himself.

— 

“today’s tmi?” yuta reads out from the millions of comments pouring in, moving at an extraordinary speed and he manages to catch it before slowly scrolling down. 

he sighs and smiles to himself. “today’s tmi… hm, i don’t know if i can tell you guys about the details but, let me tell you that i had an amazing day.” he looks down at his watch and absentmindedly hums a song under his breath.

“i got to try something new today and it was very fulfilling, guys. it was like my best birthday gift,” yuta stares into the camera, voice a bit calmer. and then suddenly there’s a knock on the door, and a throat clearing. “can i crash your birthday live, hyung?” mark asks away from the camera and yuta unconsciously smiles at his presence and beckons him closer without any words.

“everyone! mark is here!” mark announces his arrival and yuta automatically goes to wrap his arm around his shoulder and pull him closer. no one will know his prayers, his lips sealed in an untold promise all in his power, he presses his lips into the back of mark’s head as a sign of gratitude and closes his eyes one more time to breathe out. he’ll survive another day.

**Author's Note:**

> please excuse me for any inaccurate depictions of a church, all of my knowledge about churches come from me studying in an all girls catholic school eee
> 
> anyways. happy birthday to yuta, the light of my life <3 i hope he knows how loved and adored he is by me and millions of others, i wish that his smile can make many lives better just as he did to mine.
> 
> please do leave a kudo/comment if u liked it !! reach out to me @ [twt](https://twitter.com/emberhit)


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